Referral or Introduction

A third party introduction from a trustworthy person gives you instant credibility. Your introducer can create a bridge between you and the person with whom you hope to establish a relationship. He or she can vouch for your character, competence, and integrity based on their own experience from knowing or working with you.

Your Photo

For the last several weeks, there has been a spirited exchange in one of my on-line groups, asking participants whether or not they would do business with someone who didn’t post their photo in their profile. The question has generated over 1,500 comments so far! Despite the variety of opinions shared, it’s safe to say that if you do post your photo, be sure it conveys the message you intend.

Try this exercise: choose three adjectives or attributes that describe how you want to come across, such as “friendly,” “approachable,” or “professional.” Now look at your photo. Does your photo mirror that message? Even better, show your photo to a close friend or associate and ask for their impression.

Be certain that your photo is current, within the last two years, depending on how much you have changed in the interim.

Email Communications

If your email communications are confusing, too informal, or ungrammatical, it creates a negative impression. Instead, show your professionalism through the written word. Take time to organize your thoughts, use proper salutations, and check your grammar. “Professional” doesn’t mean you can’t show your sense of humor, but be certain it’s appropriate to your recipient.

Voicemail Communications

The quality of your voice sends a message to your listener, intended or not. Is your voice upbeat? Or tired, lacking energy? According to research conducted by UCLA Professor Emeritus, Dr. Albert Mehrabian:

“In a phone conversation, where there is any inconsistency between words and the tone of the voice, a listener trusts the tone over the actual words 85% of the time.”

What is the message you want your voice to convey?

Social Media Presence

Leverage your on-line presence. Would you want to do business with you based on how you come across on Facebook, LinkedIn or other social media sites?

Remember, your goal is to find effective ways to connect, not disconnect.

Put these tips into practice to get your new relationships off to a promising start.

What tips do you have for inspiring trust in a new relationship? Leave a comment here.

“I’d be too embarrassed.”
“Oh, I could never speak up to my boss.”
“I’m afraid of looking foolish.”
“It’s too intimidating.”
“What would I say?”

Sound familiar?

But here’s the payoff for you when you choose to take the risk:

• Increased confidence
• Visibility
• Recognition
• Respect
• Rewards
• Trust

Imagine what speaking up could mean to you and your loved ones at home, at work, or in your community:

• better health care
• a raise or promotion
• a new client or customer
• improved customer service
• a refund
• stronger relationships

And what if you used your skills to speak out on behalf of people who can’t speak for themselves because they’re sick, in economic distress, or starving? Think you could have an impact?

No one is saying it’s easy. It takes courage and conviction at a minimum. You have to move out of your comfort zone, become vulnerable, risk alienation.

In responding to an interviewer for Vanity Fair Magazine, Rock star Tina Turner said:

“You asked me if I ever stood up for anything. Yeah, I stood up for my life.”

What would speaking up and speaking out mean to you?

Nervousness can manifest itself in several ways:

• sweaty palms
• quivering voice
• flushed or pale face
• knees knocking
• heart beating loudly, like mine
• forgetting what you were going to say
• dry throat when it feels as if your mouth is filled with cotton

Sound familiar? Most speakers – no matter how experienced or professional – experience some nervousness before making a presentation, particularly when speaking on a new topic or when anticipating a negative or hostile reaction from the listener. It’s natural.

The good news is that having some nervousness means you care about giving a good presentation. It can also boost your energy level. The trick is learning how to cope with your nerves and use them to your advantage.

You can learn to keep your nerves under control by practicing the following 10 tips:

1) Breathe. Take several deep breaths and exhale slowly.

2) Practice relaxing your face muscles. Make funny faces. Yawn.

3) Do isometric exercises. Clench your fingers and toes and release.

4) Release nervous energy by moving your body. Walk. Use broad gestures.

5) Take a moment to get grounded and think about what you want to say before you begin to speak.

6) Try to figure out the source of your nervousness. Once you can identify the cause of your fear, you can begin to take action steps to overcome it. Put your fears in perspective.

7) Be prepared. Planning, preparation and practice promote confidence.

8) Set reasonable goals and expectations. Oprah didn’t start out being Oprah. Nor did Barack Obama start out as President. Their polished deliveries are the result of a passionate belief in their message and honing their speaking skills over time.

9) Wear comfortable, suitable clothing. When you feel good about what you’re wearing, that confidence comes across to your audience and becomes one less thing for you to think about.

10) Use humor to break the ice. This doesn’t mean starting off your presentation with a joke. It does mean opening up to the energy of your audience and allowing yourself to connect authentically.

Practice using these top 10 tips to overcome your stage fright and you’ll be on your way to achieving speaking success!

Here are my top 10 tips to maximize your practice time before your next presentation:

Mental Rehearsal

1) Visualize your success. Take a few moments to close your eyes and mentally see yourself making a powerful, persuasive presentation and getting the results you want. Hear yourself saying the actual words you will use.

2) Talk positively to yourself. Give yourself a pep talk. Use affirmations, positive statements written in the present tense, and repeat them often.

3) Act as if . . . Ask yourself how a powerful speaker you respect would prepare and present your proposal. Imagine what that person would do and begin to apply those same techniques to your presentation.

4) Remember what you bring to your audience and how they will benefit from your presentation.

Actual Rehearsal

5) Run through your presentation from beginning to end without stopping the first time through. Refer to your outline. Then practice each part separately, i.e. the opening, the body, the closing.

6) Audio or videotape yourself to hear how your voice comes across. What impression of yourself do you get? Are you creating the impression you want? What’s the level of energy you see and hear in your voice?

7) Practice delivering your speech to a friend. Ask a friend who can coach you and give you effective feedback.

8) Practice your delivery in front of a mirror to observe your facial expressions and use of gestures.

9) Time your presentation. Keep it short, simple and to the point. Allow time for audience involvement.

10) Avoid memorizing your presentation. Practice so often that by the time you speak, you look prepared, but able to speak extemporaneously.

The more often you practice your presentation using these 10 tips, the more comfortable you will become speaking in front of a live audience.

We’ve all had relationships like that at some point in our lives: people that challenge and frustrate our ability to connect with them. But if we take the time to invest in the relationship, we can peel away the layers of fear, mistrust and anger and discover what’s inside the other person’s heart.

But what if the other person doesn’t want to talk to you?

A father in one of my workshops shared how painful it had been for him to lose touch with his son after a bitter divorce. His phone calls and letters went unanswered, but he never stopped trying to stay in touch. On the day of his eighteenth birthday, his son picked up the phone and called him. Would he have made the call if the father had given up on their relationship early on? Perhaps, but the father could rest assured, knowing that he had made every effort to stay connected.

Not every relationship can be saved, but only you know how much other person matters to you and what you’re willing to do to keep the lines of communication open.

1. “At the end of the day”
2. “Fairly unique”
3. “I personally think”
4. “At this moment in time”
5. “With all due respect”
6. “Absolutely”
7. “It’s a nightmare”
8. “Shouldn’t of”
9. “24/7”
10. “It’s not rocket science.”

While we’re on the topic, may I add my own bug-a-boos to the list?

• “stuff”
• “interesting”
• “Enjoy!”
• “like, whatever” (individually and/or together)
• “You know” (Sorry, Caroline)
• “Look, . . . “ (at the start of a sentence)
• “So”
• “wanna”
• “gonna”
• “dunno”
• “hafta”
• “gotta”
• “right?” (often tagged onto the end of a phrase to assume the listener’s buy-in)

What’s on your list of over-used words and phrases to avoid? Send me an e-mail with your own pet-peeve word choices.

The words we use matter. They matter because they are a reflection of our care, consideration and respect for the listener. Every time you speak, your listeners are forming an impression of you, for better or for worse. Therefore, it’s important to choose words that enhance, not detract, from your professional image.

Ms. Kennedy is not alone, of course. Too often we rely on verbal props when expressing our ideas, whether we’re giving a presentation or having a discussion around the conference table. I define verbal props here as either “fillers,” “clichés,” or “informal colloquial English.”

Fillers

These are the words we use as connectors between thoughts instead of a pause or period. Most of us will say anything to fill what feels to us like dead air, even “um” or “uh.” Yet that empty space is prime real estate where you can gather your thoughts and provide room for your listeners to digest what you just said. Not only is it okay for you to pause and remain silent, your audience will thank you for it.

Clichés

How do you know if an expression is a cliché? As the saying goes, if you’ve already read or heard it used, it is. “Majestic mountains” is one example. “Win-win” is another. In other words, these are phrases that are recycled unimaginatively throughout our conversations every day.

Informal, Colloquial English

It’s not uncommon to hear speakers say “wanna” instead of “want to,” or “gonna” instead of “going to,” both in informal social situations among friends and in the workplace. You may even feel it’s perfectly appropriate to do so as it indicates a person’s casualness and approachability. However, the reduced word form is generally the result of speaking quickly and just as often conveys the impression that the speaker is uneducated which is not the image a professional wants to make.

If you want to get your message across clearly, concisely and confidently, and if you want to come across as an intelligent, thoughtful person, replace lackluster, unimaginative expressions with professional English and precise words. Your listeners will appreciate your willingness to make the effort and your ability to speak intelligibly.

A genuine apology requires each of the following five components to be believed and accepted:

1. Admit you made a mistake.
2. Apologize with sincerity.
3. Acknowledge the inconvenience, frustration, or other negative impact on the other person.
4. Ask what you can do to resolve the situation.
5. Act to resolve the problem and ensure that it doesn’t happen again.

When done well, an apology restores trust and dignity, allowing the relationship between the abuser and the aggrieved to move forward in a positive direction.

Use the following acronym as a reminder of how to facilitate your global interactions at home and abroad:

A – Anticipate that there will be differences in customs, courtesies and communication styles and plan accordingly.
D – Demonstrate your respect and understanding of other cultures by learning a few key words and phrases in your host’s or guest’s language.
A – Ask more questions, make fewer assumptions. When in doubt about what is considered appropriate behavior, it’s better to ask than to assume you know and end up having a cultural collision.
P – Practice “The Platinum Rule,” as coined by Dr. Tony Alessandra. Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.
T – Tailor your communication style for mutual understanding. Avoid using unfamiliar cultural references, jargon or slang that would exclude the other person.

By learning to A – D – A – P – T to cultural differences, you gain the trust and respect of your international colleagues and clients to set the stage for long-term, mutually rewarding relationships.

It’s easy for us to get caught up in our own personal dramas. But the art of conversation is a two-way street, like playing a game of tennis. Unlike tennis, however, the goal is not to “win” at the expense of others. Rather, the goal is to engage others and make them feel valued and appreciated in our presence. We can’t accomplish that when we keep the focus of attention on ourselves.

The next time you find yourself in a conversation with a client or a customer, keep these 5 tips in mind for a positive interaction:

1. Be present. This is a two-step process:

First, make a conscious decision to fully engage with the other person. Set aside anything that might take away from your attention, such as preoccupation with your own problems or cell phone interruptions. Find a quiet place to talk to minimize noise distractions.

Second, turn your focus to the other person. Smile, make eye contact and greet your acquaintance. Show your consideration by facing each other when seated. Take your conversation cue from your partner’s body language. Does he or she seem concerned, excited, or confused?

2. Ask questions. Validate your observations with open-ended questions which will help you discover what’s really on the mind of your customer or client. As you gain a clearer understanding of the situation, zero in with more targeted yes/no questions to confirm what you think is true.

3. Let the other person talk. How many times have you heard someone ask a question, then proceed to keep talking? You can’t gather information or find out what really matters to the other person if you’re the only one talking.

4. Listen. A good question to ask ourselves in any conversation is: am I listening – or am I just waiting to talk? We may have the best of intentions, i.e., to add to the conversation, to express empathy or even just keep the conversation going. But when our focus shifts to what we want to say next, it’s easy to stop listening. The result is that we might miss the most meaningful part of the conversation and the opportunity for important follow up questions.

5. Respond. The key is to respond in a way that is effective to your customer or client. If you’re following up on a customer service complaint, for example, saying that you will fix the problem may not be the first thing your customer wants to hear. Instead, he or she might prefer that you acknowledge the inconvenience that was caused by the service error.

Good conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue, and a tool to add to your communication repertoire for positive, lasting results.